The Big Bad Death Note Wedding
by FluffDucklings
Summary: Just something that came to me while I was typing a review. Just some random crack that entertained me and I hope entertains you too.


**A/N: Whoops! Forgot to put the Disclaimer the first time. *rubs neck* please excuse my stupidness. DX  
Well, I was reviewing for a Ask such and such character story thing since I hadn't down one if forever and this idea popped up so i just wrote it in the reivew saying i saw going to make it into a fic. Well, here it is! Bwahahaha, fear my evil genious of bad/dry humor. **

**Disclaimer: I no own Death Note but I guess you could tell that already. XD I also don't own and characters.  
And just to make it clear, Yumi IS a character in the series. She is the daughter of Aizawa and Quarter Queen is form LABB Murders (novel)**

* * *

"Congratulations!" Lidner laughed. I glared at the blonde woman. "Oh, lighten up! Besides, how did this all transpire anyways?" Lidner joked. Her body was shaking as she held her laughs in.

"I would appreciate if Lidner would not speak." I said. Lidner laughed some more.

"But sir! We all have to know who the bride is!" She said between laughs. Gevanni, who had been trying to hold in laughs, burst into a fit, laughing his head off.

I glared again.

"I believe Lidner and Gevanni better quit laughing." Both laughed harder.

Just then, Rester returned, bridal gown and grooms tux in hand. Lidner and Gevanni held each other as they laughed. Lidner took the dress and held it up for everyone to see.

The dress was small, probably small enough for a child. It reminded me of a flower girl's dress, only longer and fuller. Lidner held the dress in front of me. Then she grabbed my hand and pulled me to another room.

* * *

While they were gone, Gevanni and Rester listened to the noises coming from the other room.

* * *

Lidner stood over me, dress in hand and evil grin plastered on her face. I gulped.

Soon, I found that thrashing was futile. Lidner was just too dead-set on getting me into the Godforsaken thing.

Once Lidner dubbed me presentable, she pulled me back into the main room, myself tripping over the dress's hems.

When the doors opened, neither man laughed, only stared.

"When did Mello get here?" Lidner exclaimed. I turned and saw Mello sitting in one of the chairs by the computers. Then I saw a mop of green hair.

"M-Matt?" I asked.

"Yup! Great get-up, Near." He laughed. "Who's the lucky gal?" He asked innocently. Then it clicked in his tiny brain. "Yaoi~!" He sang. I blushed.

"There will be no yaoi, Matt. Nothing will happen besides a quick wedding and then I will figure how to get a divorce."

"Aww…" Then Matt looked suggestively at Mello, earning himself a whack on the head. "Ow… Fine, no yaoi."

**~At the wedding~**

Matt walked down the aisle, throwing flower petals at the audience, making quiet explosion noises as the hit people and the floor.

Rester stood on the alter, next to L, who was dressed as a priest. Sayu, Misa, and Yumi stood to the left while Mello, Light, and Beyond stood to the right. The bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Music was booming in the small, rundown church and everyone looked at the doors as they were pushed open.

Watari stood by me, holding my arm, mainly for support as Lidner had seceded I should wear high heels to seem at least a _little_ taller next to Rester. Everyone was quiet as we stumbled down the aisle.

Gevanni and Lidner were sitting together, crying silently as they watched.

_Damn them! Damn them to Hell! I'm going to murder them when this is over!_

We passed Roger, Linda, other Wammy children, Rester's family, the Yagami's, even the Japanese Task Force.

The music ended as I reached the end of the walk. L began speaking, "We gather here today to join the lives of Anthony B. Carter and Near… Nate River."

I looked at L. What on God's holy Earth would give him the mind to say my real name? Especially with Kira in the room?

Some quiet sobs started and Beyond shouted, "I knew it! Bwahahahaha!!!!" Then stood up straight like nothing had happened. L began talking again like Beyond had done nothing.

"Do you, Anthony B. Carter, take Nate River to be your lawfully wedded wife?" L asked, reading the Holy Book; which looked awfully thing, I might add.

"I do." Rester said in a monotone.

L turned to me, "And do you, Nate River, take Anthony B. Carter to be your lawfully wedded husband?" He asked, pen in hand.

"……What's the pen for?"

"Hey! I'll ask the questions around here!" L replied, pointing the pen at me.

"Fine. I do." I mumbled.

"Great! Then, with the power invested in me, I shall write your names in this Death Note and make sure you two have the best marriage possible!" L rushed.

"Wait! What-?"

L cut me off, "You may now kiss the bride!" He said and shoved Rester onto me.

"Mmph!" I yelped, trying to pry the book out of L's hands while Rester attacked my face. Then Rester let up.

"What about the rings?" Everyone gasped.

"Ha!" I had grabbed the book.

"Beyond! Where's Quarter Queen?" L shouted.

Beyond coughed nervously. "May-Maybe she's late….Hehehheh."

"Did you eat her?" L asked.

Beyond became jittery.

Here're the rings!" Came a small voice, which echoed off the walls of the church.

"See? I told you she was late!"

"Zombie! Argh!" The audience started screaming and yelling.

"What? No-!"

"Beyond!"

"What? She's still alive, Eru-chan~!" Quarter Queen ran down the aisle, waving the rings around. "I have them! Here!" Quarter handed L the rings.

L, who had been putting about not being able to write our names down in the notebook, took the rings and shoved them on our fingers. He then went back to pouting while eating a giant lollipop.

The church was empty now. Thanks to Quarter Queen. Matt was playing his PSP, Mello was eating chocolate, L was now grieving the loss of his once proud lollipop, Beyond was…….eating jam. Where ever that came from…

Well, the whole audience had left, screaming in terror and only left the group on the alter and Lidner and Gevanni.

Speaking of which, those two were still crying.

…..Wait…..

"Why did we get married?" I asked blankly, blinking.

Everyone turned to me.

"Because," They said in unison. They started to gather around me, in a huge group, closing off any means of escape. "Twilight had a wedding, so why not Death Note?"

"Then why me?"

"Because, you're the most ukiest~!" I gulped. "Everyone else is seme. We had to marry off the uki!" They sang. I gulped again as they came closer, hands raised.

"But, w-what about Quarter? She's 10!"

"But she's dead. And you know dead people don't make good uki~! Look at Edward, he's a seme. And a bad one at that. His kind of clumsy isn't uki-cute!"

"Why are you speaking in unison?!" The lights, which had turned off, and the mist that had started to form, turned back on and left.

"Because… It's over NINE THOUSAND!" They shouted.

I gulped for the last time as they pounced.


End file.
